The Goddess Fanfic Review Theatre: Episode 1
********************************************
An MST featuring the cast members of Oh! My Brother!

[The scene opens on a theatre. It's a rather nice one, with nice
comfortable chairs, lots of space between each row, a nice big screen,
balanced sound system, the whole nine yards.

It's also covered in an inch-thick layer of dust.

Off to one side, we see a set of double doors which open with a thunderous
band, sending an enormous cloud of dust into the air. We can just make out
the shape of a woman through the cloud, one who is currently coughing and
trying to wave the dust away from her face. After a moment, it is revealed
to be Urd, Goddess of the Past.]

Urd: *cough*hack*wheeze* This place is a MESS! *cough*

[Urd looks around for a moment, still coughing and fanning her hands in
front of her face, and then fiddles with a bank of switches on the wall.
After a moment, a very faint light is seen from various points along the
floor, ceiling and walls.]

Urd: [disgusted] Who the hell let this place end up like this? [walks back
to the door and cups her hands around her mouth] HEY BELLDANDY! WE GOT
SOMETHING HERE THAT CAN USE YOUR TOUCH!

[Someone walks through the door, but it isn't Belldandy. It's someone a
good bit shorter, with dark hair and carrying a hammer. It is Skuld,
Goddess of the Future (and all things Mecha!)]

Skuld: [with much the same expression Urd had earlier] Ewwww. We can't work
here!

Urd: [sarcastic] Oh really? Whatever gave you that idea?

Skuld: Shut up, you! I wasn't talking to you.

Urd: [opens her mouth to reply, then snaps it shut] Damn, 'Niichan isn't
here. I wouldn't want to waste a perfectly good DeNiro impression on
someone of your calibre.

Skuld: [steaming] And what's that supposed to mean? [Pulls out a bomb.]

Urd: [smug] What does it sound like, shrimp? [Powers up for a force bolt.]

Skuld: DON'T CALL ME THAT!

Offscreen voice: [roaring] GIVE IT A REST, YOU TWO! [grumbling, growing
louder] Can't trust those two together for a minute! You'd think they'd
learn to live with each other, but NOOOOOOO they constantly have to fight
and drive me insane. Protector - HA! Who's going to protect my mind from
them?

[Near the end of this speech the speaker comes into view - it is Christopher
Angel, God of Moments. He looks somewhat disheveled - hair askew, clothes
rumpled, a slight slump to his walk. He enters the room, giving Skuld and
Urd a dark glare, and stops. He passes a carefully controlled gaze over the
theatre, and then spinson his heel and walks back out the door.]

Chris: [offscreen, yelling] BELL! Hurry up, damnit!

Bell: [offscreen, disapproving tone] Oniichan! Your language!

Chris: [as he walks back into the theatre] Yeah, yeah, gomen, gomen.

[A third woman enters and looks with dismay at the theatre. It is
Belldandy,
Goddess of the Present.]

Bell: Oh, dear. This is awful.

Urd: So fix it.

Skuld: Don't order Oneesama around!

Urd: [testily] Go play with your toys, baby.

Skuld: [pulls out a bomb] DON'T CALL ME THAT!

Chris: [roars] KNOCK IT OFF! [moves to stand between the arguing sisters,
gives each one a fiery glare, and then storms past them to the control booth
at the back of the theatre]

Skuld: [a little hurt at the yelling] What's wrong with 'Niichan?

Urd: [shrugs] He's spent the last year still 'dead' because his author-self
hasn't done any more Oh! My Brother! or anything else.

Bell: [somewhat irritated] That doesn't mean he should take it out on us.
[mumbles a few words and a bright light flies out from her hands, which
washes over the theatre and leaves it looking like new] There. [sighs and
slumps, Urd and Skuld catch her and carry her over to their seats] Arigato.

Skuld: [worried] Are you okay, Oneesama?

Urd: [peeved] Sheesh, Bell, tone down those Limiters, this is silly.

Bell: [stern and tired] Urd...

Urd: [waves her off] Yeah, yeah, I know.

Chris: [calling from booth] Everything ready out there?

Urd/Skuld: Yes!

Chris: Alrighty then! [comes out from booth] Grab some seatage, sisters.
[looks at audience] WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!

[The lights go out and we see an oldish countdown sequence go on the screen
as Chris stumbles his way to his seat in the darkness]

Urd: [disgusted] That's it? No special effects?

Chris: [evenly] I live with you three. Something nice, simple, and
light-show-free is refreshing. [pauses] A quick notice from my author-self:

ANNOUNCEMENT:
While I do know El Hazard, and Sailor Moon, I don't know Marmalade Boy. At
all. I can't find it anywhere local at a price I can afford (ie ZERO). But
since John promised me a LONG time ago when this fiction was young that it
wouldn't be a problem, I'm taking him at his word and going blithely
forward. So if I miss a MB joke, forgive me, kay?
I should also point out that this MST assumes familiarity with OMB1-9, and
hints at things in 10. Deal.

Urd: [to Chris] You're just a glutton for punishment, aren't you. [pause]
Waitasec. John? John who?

Chris: No, John Woo makes movies.

> Dark Queen Beryl walked into her throne room, intending
> to sit down on her dark throne in the dark kingdom where the
> shadows lie down to take a nap.

Bell: What an odd sentence.

Chris: Hmm? [reads it over carefully] Ah. Are the shadows taking the nap
or was Beryl intending to?

> However, there was
> something in the way. Literally. General Ego, one of her
> new recruits, was sitting on her throne, ordering several
> youma to do the funky chicken. "WHAT do you think you're
> doing?" Beryl said.

Chris: Say...doesn't that look like...

Urd: Any of a rather large number of obnoxious anime characters?

Skuld: Like y-hmsnff! [Drowned out as Chris muffles her with his hand.]

> "Relieving my boredom."

Chris: Hmmm. Obnoxious, orders people around, is in one of the main series
for this fiction...

Bell: Likely El Hazard, Oniichan.

Urd: Which narrows it down to Fatora and all the priestesses. Well, maybe
not Afura, but it depends on which characterization you use.

> "What you're SUPPOSED to be doing is either looking for
> more of Serenity's Rings or gathering energy!"
>
> General Horny rubbed against Beryl's legs; she was
> short, purple haired, and had not changed at all in behavior
> after having a dark crystal planted in her as far as Beryl
> could tell. Unfortunately. "Beryl-sama! You look really
> nice today! Why don't we..."

Chris: [smakcing his forehead] Could you be any MORE obvious about telling
us that's Alielle?

Urd: [smacking Chris' forehead] That means that the other one has to be
Fatora!

Chris: [rubbing red mark on forehead] What did you hit me for?!

Urd: Well, I couldn't hit myself now, could I?

Skuld: [brandishing bomb at Urd] Stop picking on Oniichan!

Bell: [sternly] Skuld! What did I tell you about those bombs?

Skuld: [sheepishly] Not indoors? [to herself] Not when you're around....

Bell: [nods] That's right.

> "NO!" Beryl shouted.
>
> General Ego yawned. "Gathering Energy is boring, and
> how am I supposed to find Serenity's Rings?"

Urd: [Fatora voice] Especially when I could be spending my time terrorizing
your youma and Alielle.

Chris: [looks at Bell and Urd] If either of you responds with an Alielle
impersonation, we're going to have to have a LONG talk.

> "I gave you a dark crystal to guide you to them!"
>
> "I traded it to General Zwei-lite for some lessons on
> how to terrorize people with my new powers. Besides, I
> might get in a fight with the Tennis Warriors and break a
> nail or something."

Chris: [frowning] That doesn't seem quite Fatora.

Skuld: Yes, it does! She'd love to learn how to terrorize people.

Chris: Nonononono. I mean the nail-breaking bit. I didn't think she was
quite that self-obsessed.

Urd: [disgusted] Men. [to Chris] Do you know what a pain in the ass a
broken nail is?

> "Get off my throne. Get out of my throne room. Go
> find...Go find Pluto and kill her if the time paradox hasn't
> wiped her out yet."

Urd: [looks at Beryl, then at Chris] What do you have against Pluto?

Skuld: [groans] Urk.

Chris: [confused] Que?

Bell: TIME Paradox, Urd. Not the God Paradox.

Chris: [still confused] My head hurts...

> "She's not in the phonebook."
>
> "Can I sit in your lap, Beryl-sama?" General Horny
> asked.
>
> "AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!" Beryl screamed with
> frustration. "Go now or I will lock you in a room with Dan
> Quayle!"

Chris: Okay, that's REALLY not Beryl. She'd be more...more...

Urd: Making with the blastings and explodings?

Skuld: Kind of like you, Urd.

Bell: SKULD! That's not a nice thing to say, even if it it true!

Urd: [whine] Oniichan! They're picking on me.

[Chris takes a packet of some powder, dumps it in a bucket, and then dumps
the mixture on himself.]

Chris-panda: [Holding up a sign] NO ONE HERE BUT US PANDAS.

> That got them going. Beryl slumped down on her throne.
> It had been a mistake to recruit these two...they were
> beyond worthless. Zwei-lite, on the other hand, was doing
> well. So far, out of nine rings, Zwei-lite had gotten
> three, and the Tennis Warriors only had one. And Pluto had
> vanished. Which was PROBABLY good.

Bell: I don't understand the Zwei-lite pun.

Skuld: Twilight, maybe?

Urd: [shrugs] Dunno. [to Chris-p] You have any ideas?

Chris-p: [Holding up a sign] NO ONE HERE BUT US PANDAS.

[Urd takes the sign and clobbers Chris-p with it repeatedly.]

Chris-p: [slightly mangled, holding up a sign] ITE!

> With Pluto, though, you could never be sure.

<*crack*boom*ominous thunder*>

Urd: Didn't Blade take that back?

Chris-p: [sign] COPYRIGHT RAN OUT. [flips] BESIDES, HE NEVER COMPLAINED.
[flips] BESIDES SENDING MISAKI. [flips] AND SHE'S A SUCKER FOR OATMEAL
COOKIES.

Skuld: How do you do that? That thing only has two sides!

Chris-p: [scribbles on the sign for a moment] ANCIENT TECHNIQUE PASSED DOWN
THROUGH THREE THOUSAND YEARS AMAZON HISTORY. [flip] IN OTHER WORDS, I DUNNO.

Bell/Urd/Skuld: [suspiciously] Right.

Urd: [to Bell] Hot water?

Bell: [hands Urd a steaming cup] Hot water.

Urd: [to Skuld] Water pistol?

Skuld: [hands Urd an absurdly complex water pistol] Skuld Hydro-accelerator
Mark 1.

Urd: [sighs, and after a few moments manages to fill the pistol with the
water] Right. [points the gun at Chris and fires, the blast not only
transforming him, but sending him flying to crash into one of the walls]
Woah. Skuld, what the hell did you do to this thing?

Skuld: [sheepishly] Just added a few mass-drivers....

Chris: [holds up a sign] ITE!


> *******************
>
> Marmalade Moon, Episode 6:
>
> "Yuu, I challenge you!
> Hey, why won't you pay attention?"
>
> <http://www.maison-otaku.net/~rhea/MMoon>
>
> by John Biles
>
> ********************

Urd: [screeching] BILES?! [Goes over to the crumpled form of her brother and
lifts him up to so she can yell in his face.] Why on Earth are we reviewing
a *Biles* fic?

Chris: [shakily] Uh...why not?

Skuld: [darkly] Lemon Sherbet.

Bell: He's an awful, awful man!

Chris: [extracates himself from Urd and starts smoothing his clothing]
You're all just mad because you lost.

Skuld: It was Urd's fault!

Urd: [at same time] It was Skuld's fault!

Chris: [amusedly] Actually, it was Bell's fault. If she had actually let
Keiichite figure out his powers, you would have won. But NOOOOOOO, she has
to spend the entire fic fitting him for clothing.

Bell: [defensively] But he looked so nice in the uniforms I made him.

Chris: [pulls out a small notebook and jots something down] Point for me.

> Miki was depressed. Even with two guys helping them
> out, the Tennis Warriors were not doing well against Zwei-
> lite. Zwei-lite had snagged the first of the Nine Rings,
> and the Tennis warriors had gotten the second during the
> complete disaster also known as the tennis tournament
> against Tomoboki. She could still sometimes remember being
> groped by the second Doom, a boy named Ataru Moroboshi.

Skuld: [pout] Ataru isn't THAT bad.

Bell: [scowl] That's because he thinks you're too young. [shudders]

Urd: [frown] Now there's a boy who could try even a goddess' patience.

Chris: [snorts] Patient. You three. RIIIIIGHT.

[Urd tosses a force bolt at Chris, sending him flying into the wall again.]

Chris: [sighs] And none of the other Gods believe me when I say I'm an
abused sibling. [Pulls out the notebook] Point for me again.

> But since then, they'd been beaten twice. The third
> Doom, one of Nanami's old friends, had turned into a purple
> werewolf, and while they had been fighting her, Zwei-lite
> made off with the ring. The fourth doom had been the
> maniacal palm-tree wearing principal of another high school
> in the area. While they had been trying to find his nuclear
> coconut, Zwei-lite had gotten away AGAIN! This was turning
> into an ugly pattern. They'd only gotten the second ring
> because Moroboshi's own classmates had kicked his butt for
> them when he transformed, so they had been able to
> concentrate on getting the ring.

Chris: [sighs] John, if you toss in any more cameos I'm going to pound you.

Skuld: Does that guy have one fiction cameo-free?

Urd: [shrugs] None that I know of. Bell?

Bell: [deep in thought] Symphony of the Planets? I believe. There could be
more... [cocks her head as if listening to something] I'll...be right back.
[stands up, hurriedly leaves]

Urd: [grabs Chris' arm and checks his watch] Oooh. 10 minutes, right on
cue.

Chris: Bathroom break?

Skuld: Baka Oniichan, you know we don't need that.

Chris: [sighs] Item #4232741 you three didn't deign to tell me about
Godhood. So what then?

Urd: [giggles] Keiichi break.

Skuld: [leaps up] WHAT? I have to stop her!

[Chris grabs her and gently forces her to sit.]

Chris: Leave her alone. [pauses] Although if this keeps up, we may have to
perform an intervention. [pauses again] Another announcement from my
author-self:

ANNOUNCEMENT: At this point I'm commencing snippage. There just came up
too many scenes where there was really nothing to mock/say. Sorry John. Th
ere's not THAT much anyway.

> I guess it is magical, she thought. She got up and
> stood in front of the mirror. "Do something magical, ring!"
> she said on impulse. It surely had to do something, though
> Luna couldn't remember what, and Mercury's computer kept
> claiming all relevant records were 'NOT AVAILABLE AT YOUR
> CLEARANCE, CITIZEN'.

Chris: [blinks] They have the computer from Paranoia?

> The ring flashed, and Miki's clothing ripped apart.

Skuld: [Akane Tendo voice] HENTAI!

> It
> took only a few seconds to rearrange itself into a peach
> gown, with sleeves gathered at the elbow and fringed in
> lace, a squared off bodice cut high, but wide, and a long
> flowing skirt to the ankles. She could feel several layers
> of clothing under the outer dress, and her feet were now
> garbed in matching peach slippers. Small gold and topaz
> earrings with the gems set in a little heart hung from her
> ears, and she wore a silver tiara set with topazes on her
> brow. Her hair was gathered up in a silver comb at the back
> of her head. Wow, I look elegant, she thought.

Skuld: What a kawaii dress!

Urd: [muttering] Wedding Peach. Why am I not surprised?

Chris: [sighs] Yet another anime I don't know. What do you do, John, spend
your whole non-academic life watching anime? And (in my opinion) obscure
anime at that. You and Chris Davies...sheesh.

> A second later, the door opened, and Yuu walked in.
> "Miki, do you have a minute to..." He did a double take.
> "Miki?"
>
> She turned to him and realized she was wearing white
> silk gloves. I must look like I'm going to the ball, she
> thought. "Uh...hi."
>
> "You look...Are you going to the ball or something?
> Umm...Is there a ball?"

Urd: [Miki voice] No, our parents decided we should get married, too!

Skuld: Eww... [frowns] I think eww.... [to Chris] Does that count as
incest?

Urd: He's the wrong person to ask, Skuld. We deities are quite well known
for disregarding such things.

Chris: [looks suspiciously at Urd] Is there something you're not telling me?

Urd: You mean about P-mmphff! [Muzzled by Skuld]

Skuld: [smiles a touch too sweetly at Chris] Nothing at all, Oniichan.

> This would make a great dress for a formal dance, Miki
> thought. I'm not sure how we're supposed to use this ring
> to fight evil, but...this kind of magic is nice too. "I
> was...uh..."
>
> He closed the door. "More Tennis Warrior magic?"
>
> She started instinctively, though she knew he knew.

Chris: And he knew that she knew that he knew, and she knew that he knew
that she knew that he knew, and...

[Urd powers up another force bolt, but before she can throw it...]

Skuld: BAKA ONIICHAN! Stop that! [knocks him on the head with her hammer]

Chris: ITE!! Stop hitting me!

Skuld: Stop being a baka!

> "Yeah." She held up the ring. "One of Serenity's Nine
> Rings we're trying to find."
>
> "Weird. It's like I've seen it before," he said. "So
> it did this?"

Urd: In say, an anime?

Chris: Hush, you.

Skuld: Didn't he do something about that in Dance of Shiva?

Chris: [nods] Probably the nicest touch in that story. He actually came up
with an anime people would watch, considering the fact that they're short a
few dozen.

> "Uh huh."
>
> "Can it do anything about..." He hesitated, then
> stared into the mirror at Miki.
>
> "About...?"

Chris/Urd: Her figure? [look at each other, and start to snicker]

Skuld: [grumble] Hentais. Urd is such a bad influence on him.

> "I've been..." He cut himself off again and frowned.
> "I keep having black outs. I went to a doctor, but he was
> no help."
>
> Miki blinked. You are? No one in the house heard
> about that, she was sure. "You keep passing out?"
>
> "Not exactly. I keep having periods where I..." He
> gulped. "Can't remember what I was doing. I wouldn't
> bother you with this, but I was hoping there was some kind
> of Tennis Warrior magic that could fix it. I don't like it
> at all. Blanking stuff out, that is."

Chris: [Yuu voice] Especially since I could be doing anything while I'm
blanked out.

Urd: [slyly] Like what?

Chris: [shrugs] Dub animes poorly? [Notices Urd and Skuld giving him a
surprised look.] WHAT? You expected me to say something else?

> Miki smiled. I'm glad he trusts me enough to come to
> me with this. She was still struggling with her own
> feelings with regard to him and to Ginta, although it seemed
> that Ginta had moved on to Arimi now, or so it seemed. Yuu
> was so private; he never opened up to her. I will do my
> best to help you, she swore. "We will find a way," she
> said. "I bet Mercury can find a way to help you with her
> computer." If it doesn't just smart off, she thought.

Chris: I've got 5-1 odds that the computer'll smart off!

Urd: I'll take some of that action!

Skuld: Count me in!

> ************
>
> Arimi frowned. The latest phase of Operation 'Make
> Miki and Yuu Jealous' had fallen through when she hadn't
> been able to contact either of them. Still, hanging out
> with Ginta would probably be fun anyway. If he EVER showed
> up. He was a good ten minutes late.

Chris: [grunts] Huh. The guy's late. That's new.

Urd: [dangerous tone] And what's THAT supposed to mean?

Chris: [panicked] Nothing! Nothing at all!

[Urd glares at him a moment, and then tosses a force bolt at him, slamming
him into the wall...which has started to develop a nice Chris-shaped dent.]

Chris: ITE! [falls of the wall, and gets to his feet] Testy today, aren't
you?

> She watched people go by as she stood in front of
> 'Takeo's House of Java'. Two of them caught her eye. Both
> wore trenchcoats and sunglasses (at night) and were going

Chris/Urd/Skuld: o/~ I wear my sunglasses at night, so I can... o/~

> from person to person, asking them something. One was tall
> with long black hair, while the other was short with purple
> hair. What really caught her attention two minutes later
> was a conjuction of events. She got a glimpse of the taller
> one's face, and it looked like Makoto. More importantly,
> she heard one of them ask someone, 'Are you Tennis Warrior
> Pluto in disguise?'.

Urd: O_O

Skuld: O_O

Chris: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! [applauds] PERFECT!

> She decided to slip closer and spy; this could be
> important. At first, this went well, although all she
> learned was that they were asking EVERYONE if they were
> Tennis Warrior Pluto.

Urd: [weakly] They're being thorough...

Skuld: [faintly] If not subtle...

Chris: [amused look at Urd and Skuld] You two are SO not ones to talk.

> Then the purple haired short one spotted her. She was
> clearly female, unlike the taller, androgynous one who
> looked disturbingly like Nanami's boyfriend, Makoto. Even
> with the sunglasses, Arimi could see the girl's eyes light
> up. "KAWAII!" the short girl shouted, and charged Arimi,
> who froze up for a moment, then panicked completely.

Chris: O_O;

Urd: Azusa syndrome?

> "FAN CLUB POWER!" she shouted, and began to
> transform...just as the purple haired kid glomped onto her
> with the power of a dozen Azusa Shiratoris. As a result,

Skuld: [nods sagely] Azusa Syndrome.

> when her uniform formed, the girl was INSIDE Tennis Warrior
> Mars' blouse. This was NOT part of the plan, such as it
> was.

Urd: COOL!

Chris: o_O;;; [small nosebleed starts, whispers] I'd agree, but I'd get
clobbered for it.

Skuld: HENTAI! [clobbers Chris]

Chris: [weakly] See? Iteeeee....

> At least it can't get any worse, Tennis Warrior Mars
> foolishly thought.

<*crack*boom*ominous thunder*>

Urd: [shrugs] Cliche, but appropriate.

> ************
>
> >What is wrong with Yuu?

Chris: [computer voice] NOTHING. I'M FINE.

> [HE HAS A BIG MOUTH AND HE'S RUDE.]

Urd: [laughs] It's honest, at least.

Skuld: COOL! [starts to drool]

> Yuu frowned. Miki laughed, and Nanami frowned. "I
> should sell this thing for scrap."
>
> "Try...Why does Yuu keep forgetting things?" Miki
> said.
>
> >Why does Yuu kept forgetting things?
>
> [POSSIBILITIES IN DECLINING ORDER:
> YUU HAS NO ELEPHANT BLOOD IN HIS HERITAGE.
> YUU IS ACTUALLY A PAINTED IMAGE ON CELLULOID AND THUS
> HAS NO ACTUAL BRAIN.

Chris: [looks meaningfully at Urd and Skuld and then snickers]

> YUU'S MIND IS BEING SLOWLY CONTROLLED BY THE INSECTS
> FROM SHAGGAI.

Chris: Que?

> YUU HAS WATCHED TOO MANY MUSIC VIDEOS.
> YUU PERIODICALLY TRANSFORMS INTO FAT ALBERT AND
> BLANKS OUT HIS ACTIVITIES AS SUCH.

Urd: Who?

Chris: Old cartoon featuring Bill Cosby as the voice.

Urd: So why....

Chris: Trust me. Fat is a gross understatement.

> YUU HABITUALLY DRINKS FROM THE RIVER LETHE.

Urd: Distilled Lethe water, rather.

> YUU'S BOSS IS THE DREAD DORMMAMU.

Chris: Where have I heard that before?

> YUU IS THE MASKED GOLFER AND BLANKS OUT HIS ACTIVITIES
> AS SUCH.
> YUU IS FAKING IT TO GET ONTO A QUOTA LIST.

Urd: Why the extra space?

Chris: Probably my author-self's mailer.

> YUU IS THE KEYMASTER.]

Chris/Urd: BWAHAHAHAHA!

Skuld: That computer is SO ELITE!

Chris: [smacks his forehead] Great, my little sister the hackerette.

> "I think your computer is on drugs," Yuu said.
>
> "I'm starting to think that myself," Nanami said.

Skuld: [shakes her fist at the screen] Stop picking on Pooter-chan!

Chris/Urd: [exchanging a look] Pooter-chan?

> Miki scanned the list, and one of the items struck her
> as plausible. "May I?"
>
> "Uh, sure."
>
> She sat down and typed.
>
> >Where is the Masked Golfer?
>
> [CURRENTLY, HE IS DORMANT]
>
> >Where is he dormant?
>
> [INSIDE YUU MATSUURA]
>
> "Ahah! You are the Masked Golfer!" Miki annouced.
>
> Yuu blinked. "I could never be that silly."

Chris: BWAHAHAHA! Nice reaction.

> "Hey, the Masked Golfer is a real hero!" Miki said,
> hands on hips. An idea struck her.
>
> >What triggers the change?
>
> [WHEN MIKI KOISHIKAWA IS IN DANGER]
>
> She blushed.

Urd: AAAAAAAAAWWWWW. Isn't that sweet?

Skuld: I think I'm going to be sick.

> "Hmm. We could test that by me trying to break this
> thing over your head," Nanami suggested.

Skuld: [hollering] Don't you DARE!

> "Hey!"
>
> "Just an idea."
>
> "So why don't I remember it?" Yuu asked.
>
> No reply.
>
> "ANSWER ME!"
>
> "You have to type it," Nanami said dryly.
>
> "Oops."

Chris: [claps slowly] Computer literate, are we? Next he'll be using white
out on a screen.

> >Why don't I remember it?
>
> [DEFINE IT]
>
> >Why don't I remember being the Masked Golfer?
>
> [THE LAWS OF DRAMA]
>
> >The what?
>
> [DEFINE WHAT]
>
> >What are the laws of Drama?
>
> [EVERYTHING IS RULED BY THE LAWS OF DRAMA. SHALL I
> LIST ALL 5 MILLION?]
>
> >No, thanks.

Chris: [blinks] Polite, isn't he.

Skuld: [nods] And so he should be.

Urd: [looks at Skuld and mutters] I do not like where this is going.

> [THE MASKED GOLFER HAS NOT BEEN PROPERLY AWAKENED;
> UNTIL THAT HAPPENS, YOU WILL NOT REMEMBER YOUR ACTIVITIES AS
> HIM]
>
> >How do I awaken those memories?
>
> [IT WILL HAPPEN WHEN THE TIME COMES, IN OBEDIENCE TO
> THE LAWS OF DRAMA. UNTIL THEN, KEEP YOUR LASER HANDY.]

Chris: Yep. Definitely the computer from Paranoia.

Skuld: [wheedling] Oniisama....

Chris: [suspicious] What? [thinks] *Oniisama? Uh oh...*

Urd: [conjures up some popcorn, thinks] *This should be fun.*

Skuld: [points at the computer] Can I have one?

Chris: I don't think so, Skuld.

Skuld: But I REALLY want one, Oniisama.

Chris: And I REALLY don't think so.

Skuld: Please?

Chris: No!

Skuld: [whining] PLEASE!

Chris: N.O. No!

Skuld: PRETTY PLEASE?

Chris: [noticing Bell enter the theatre] Ask Bell! If she says it's okay,
then sure.

[Skuld is in front of Belldany in a flash.]

Skuld: [points at the computer] Oneesama, can I have one?

Bell: [smiles indulgently] Maybe when you're a little older, Skuld.

[Skuld goes back to her seat pouting. Chris looks in amazement at her, then
at Bell.]

Chris: How come she listens to YOU and not me?

Urd: [dispells the popcorn] 'Cause YOU eventually capitulate, Bell doesn't.

> "Laser?" Yuu frowned. "Well, this does remove one
> worry of mine, but..."
>
> "I'm so glad you're one of us!" Miki said. Even if it
> means Arimi gets more chances to hit on you. Still, she is
> with Ginta now, Miki thought. "Now we just have to find
> Tennis Mask!"
>
> Yuu sat bemused and thought. "Well, tell me everything
> you know...maybe we can come up with a plan to...uh...do
> whatever we're trying to do."
>
> Miki and Nanami and the Mercury Computer launched into
> a lengthy explanation.

Chris: Which, thankfully, John didn't subject us to.

> While the purple haired pervert fondled her, Mars beat
> her in the head with her tennis racket.

Chris: Dash between purple and haired, I believe. By the way, did we really
need that descriptor anyway?

Urd: [evenly] 'Niichan, there's Alielle and Fatora. Just saying 'pervert'
tells you nothing. Now 'molestor' would tell you something. So would
'sadist'.

> She couldn't use
> Burning Passion Serve because she would have hit herself as
> well.

Skuld: And I don't think it's physically possible, either.

Urd: [whistles innocently] If you're flexible enough...

> Meanwhile the pervert's ally threw off her
> trenchcoat, revealing a slender, but probably female,

Bell: [winces] Now that's just mean.

Chris: [shrugs] Appropriate, though.

> figure, only partially concealled by her black and white
> striped bodysuit and pink tutu.

Chris: O_O

Urd: [looks at Chris inm surprise] I thought you like girls with
more..'talent.'

Chris: [dazed voice] It's like a train wreck. You want to look away, but
you...just...can't!

> She pulled out a long
> obsidian rod capped with a black heart ringed with a tube of
> glowing purple neon from...wherever Highlander immortals
> hide their swords. "Horny, stop getting off and use your
> powers to stun her so I can finish her off with my Magic
> Twaggler!"

Chris: [puts his hands over Skuld's eyes] I don't know what a Twaggler is,
but it sounds like something Skuld shouldn't be seeing.

Bell: [Looks at him in surprise for a moment before covering Skuld's ears]
I have a feeling she shouldn't be hearing this, either.

Skuld: [struggles] HEY! NOT FAIR!

Urd: Aww let her be. The shrimp has to learn this sometime.

> "But I want you to finish ME off with your magic
> twaggler!" General Horny said, turning to face General Ego.

Chris: [to Bell] Nice call.

Skuld: WAAAAAH! Lemme go!

> This gave Mars the edge she needed to FINALLY get Horny
> out of her blouse. Can I fight two of them at once, she
> wondered.

Chris: [frowns] Something odd about that sentence.

> I'd best call for help. She took off running as
> Horny charged Ego and glomped onto her.
>
> "Do it now, General Ego!" Horny begged.
>
> "Not in PUBLIC!" Ego shouted. "We have to catch that
> Tennis Warrior!"

Urd: I never figured Fatora to be someone worried about appearances.

Chris: Or Alielle to be that...I dunno...excessive when Fatora's around.

Skuld: WANNA SEE!

> Cue Road Runner music.

[Chris and Bell let Skuld free, who pauses to glare at them before examining
the screen.]

Skuld: What'd I miss?

Chris: [formulaicly] I decline to answer on the grounds that it may get me
in trouble with the Boss.

> "Go ahead and transform already!" Tennis Warrior Moon
> said to Yuu, who she was carrying as she and Mercury leaped
> from roof to roof on their way to answer the distress call
> they had gotten from Mars.
>
> "I don't know HOW! I think that computer screwed up."
> Yuu felt and looked undignified slung over one of Moon's
> shoulders. The way she kept nearly dropping him every time
> she leaped between buildings didn't help.

Skuld: [confused] I thought he can't transform unless Miki's in danger?

Urd: Right on the money, kid.

Chris: [sighs] Urd, stop that. [more seriously] If he can only transform
that way, shouldn't Miki know that?

Urd: As you like to say 'Niichan, they're not the swiftest arrows in the
quiver.

> "There she is!" Mercury shouted, doing a powerleap that
> sent her flying across the street ahead of them. She landed
> next to Mars, and Moon (accompanied by a screaming Yuu),
> landed next to them.
>
> Mars said, "Why are you carrying Yuu?"

Urd: [Azusa voice] Because he's MINE!

> "Because the universe hates me," Yuu announced. "Can
> you put me down now?"
>
> "Surrender now and we will be merciful!" General Ego
> shouted. "Resist and you will be CRUSHED!"

Chris: [snorts] Yeah, I'd by that line. From Fatora. RIGHT.

> "Why are we running away when we outnumber them four to
> two?" Moon asked.

Skuld: Oniichan, when did they start running again? Last we saw they just
landed somewhere.

Chris: [shrugs] Continuity error?

> "Force of habit?" Mercury speculated, then skidded to a
> halt. "Surrender now! I have to go run a betting ring at a
> soccer match in twenty minutes!"

Urd: [claps slowly] Just announce you're Nanami, wy don't you?

> The others skidded to a halt as well. Moon put Yuu
> down. "Transform already!"
>
> "Maybe you're not in enough danger," Mercury said.

Bell: If we draw a parallel to Tuxedo Kamen, she has to be in extreme
immediate danger...such as the minion being about to win.

> Ego pointed her magic twaggler at Moon.

Chris: Capitalization.

Urd: [glares] Stop that!

>"I can fix
> that. I call upon the power of Merchandising! DEATH BY
> GLOOM BEARS!" She spun about in a circle, leaving a trail
> of black unsparklies and movement lines, from which formed a
> ring of nine plush bears in shades of black, puce, puke
> green, and burnt orange. Each of them had a symbol on his
> belly, like a burnt cake, a taco-eating chihuahua, or
> Marilyn Manson.

Chris: Lions...

Urd: And tigers...

Skuld: And bears...

Bell: Oh my!

Skuld: Oniichan?

Chris: Hmm?

Skuld: If you EVER get me one of those, I'll never speak to you again.

> "GLOOM BEARS, ATTACK!" she announced.
>
> Several of them lit clove cigarettes, while two of them
> pulled out chalk and started writing poetry on the sidewalk.
> Another one began to sing the entire discography of The
> Cure, and the last one sat down and started trying to fit
> some toy fangs into his mouth while putting on a tuxedo and
> black cape.

Chris: [blinks] Ooookaaaaaay.

Urd: They're...they're...

Bell: Awfully silly, aren't they?

Skuld: They remind me of those nuts in the Philosophy Club at NIT.

> Sailor Mars laughed. "Oooh, scary!"
>
> "GLOOM BEARS ATTACK!"
>
> "Now, now," Trampled Clover Bear said. "Combat is an
> act of futility in a universe where all beauty is transient
> and crumbles before you even have time to appreciate it.
> Life is a garden of dead roses and..."

Bell: [sadly] What a depressing outlook on life. The universe is beauty,
and as such is never transient. Dead roses paint the way to new life...

Chris: WHOA! WHOA!

> "JUST KILL THEM ALREADY! YOU CAN ANGST ON YOUR OWN
> TIME!"
>
> "I bet I could sell them as living plushies for a good
> price," Mercury mused.
>
> "Who in their right mind would buy one?" Moon asked.

Chris: Jinnai?

Skuld: Ryoga?

Urd: Zelgadis-chan?

Bell: Aoshima?

> Yuu leaned against a handy wall. "Are all your enemies
> this pathetic?"
>
> The Gloom Bears ignored Ego, formed a poetry circle,
> and began to argue the merits of existentialism versus
> logical positivism.

Chris: Having recently taken philosophy, I'd like to point out that not all
existentialism is depressing angst-laden stuff. Some of it actually
celebrates human existence.

> "I am NOT PATHETIC!" Ego screeched. "Horny! GLOMP
> THEM!"
>
> Horny leaped forward at Mars again. "You're cute!
> Wanna be my big sister?" she said hopefully.

Urd: If that was really Alielle, I'd expect her to say something like "But I
want to glomp YOU!"

Chris: Which would have probably made for a more entertaining battle.

> "NO! BURNING PASSION SERVE!" A flaming tennis ball
> zoomed right for Horny's head, then bounced off, only
> slowing her down. Seconds later, Mars went down in a flying
> glomp.

Chris: 9.0

Urd: 8.5

Bell: 8.9

Skuld: 3.3

Urd: [to Skuld] Stingy.

> Then Ego shouted, "MERCHANDISING TIE-IN!" Black
> ribbons erupted from the end of her Magic Twaggler, hogtying
> Moon, who she then began to swing round and round over her
> head like a tetherball.

Chris: Anyone get the pun here?

Urd/Skuld/Bell: No.

Bell: Maybe something to do with the idea of "ego" and "fans" and
"marketing"?

> Yuu felt his blood pressure rising, and he began to
> sweat. I have to do something, he thought, rushing at Ego.
> "PUT HER DOWN!" Ego casually punted him aside. He felt
> himself starting to black out, but he fought it this time.
> He didn't trust the computer enough to be sure he would
> transform if he blacked out, although he wasn't sure what
> else he could do.

Skuld: BAKA YUU! Trust Pooter-chan!

Bell: [to Urd] Pooter-chan?

Urd: You don't want to know.

Chris: [Computer voice] THE COMPUTER IS YOUR FRIEND, CITIZEN. TRUST THE
COMPUTER. NOT TRUSTING THE COMPUTER IS TREASON. TREASON IS PUNISHABLE BY
DEATH. HAVE A NICE DAY.

Bell: Oniichan?

Chris: Paranoia misquote.

> Moon had dropped her racquet when the ribbons grabbed
> her, and now all she could do was scream as she spun round
> and round over Horny's head. "YUUUUUU!!!!!!" she shouted.
> "Do something!"

Skuld: Well he COULD have done something but the baka had to mistrust
Pooter-chan and not black out...

Chris: Not big on keeping secret identities, are they?

> Mercury and Mars were locked in hand to hand with
> Horny, who apparently could not be stopped from crawling
> into Mars' blouse again. Yuu tried to charge Ego again,
> only to actually be hit by the spinning Moon, used by Ego as
> a weapon. He went flying, and this time he gave in to the
> blackness, hoping he would transform.

Urd: You know, if he was like Tux-boy, he wouldn't have been able to stop
blacking out anyway.

> He did transform. Unfortunately, he crashed into a
> wall two seconds later and passed out. This was not of much
> use, except to confirm that Mercury's computer hadn't lied.

Skuld: [shaking her fist at the screen] OF COURSE IT DIDN'T, BAKA!

Chris: Laws of Physics 1, Laws of Drama 0.

> Two things turned the tide. First of all, a car roared
> up, and Tennis Warrior Jupiter jumped out of it. Secondly,
> a golf ball zoomed down from a nearby roof, slicing the
> ribbon holding Moon. While it sent her flying across the
> street into a parked car, it beat passing out from motion
> sickness, which she had been about to do.

Chris: O_O

Skuld: O_O

Bell: O_O

Urd: That's one sharp ball!

> Everyone looked up, either from surprise or coerced by
> the laws of drama. A masked golfer stood atop the roof,
> wearing an Arnold Palmer mask. It hid his hair, though not
> his eyes. He said, "Enslaving teddy bears and turning them
> to evil just isn't right!"

Chris: Enslaving them and turning them to capitalizm, however...

Bell: [admonishing tone] Oniichan!

> "We're not evil, just Gloomy," Teen Smoking Bear said.
> "And we've been ignoring her anyway."
>
> "Oh, right. Well, playing tethercat with Tennis
> Warrior Moon isn't nice either! Even if you are a dog!"

Urd/Chris/Skuld/Bell: Tethercat?

Chris: Tetherball, I've heard of.

> "Haha! You think you're bad? I'll show you BAD!"
> General Ego said.

Bell: Oh dear. Is she even in the same fiction we're watching?

Urd: To quote a phrase: Word. Where the hell did that come from?

> "I don't think so," Jupiter said. She had General
> Horny in a headlock. "Surrender now! We have you
> surrounded!"
>
> General Ego frowned. "Well, then we'll just take our
> toys and leave." She gestured and the Gloom Bears vanished.
> She then pointed her Magic Twaggler at Horny. "SHABAZZ!!!"
> They both vanished.

Chris/Urd/Skuld/Bell: [waving] Baibai!

> Tennis Warrior Moon got up. "Thanks, Masked Gol...hey,
> how was Yuu on the roof and on the ground at the same time?"
> She looked at the unconscious Masked Golfer on the ground,
> then up at the roof, but the second Masked Golfer was gone.
>
> "Here we go again," Mars said.

[Urd, Skuld and Bell forcibly prevent Chris from plugging one of his own
works.]

> ***********
>
> >Where is Pluto?
>
> [ORBITING THE SUN. WOULD YOU LIKE PRECISE GALACTIC
> COORDINATES?]

Skuld: [waving flags] WAI! Pooter-chan!! WAI!

Urd: [smacks her forehead]

> >Where is Tennis Warrior Pluto?
>
> [SHE'LL HURT ME IF I TELL YOU]

Bell: [pained] That's a new tactic, ne?

> >I'll hurt you more!
>
> [NOT BLOODLY LIKELY. SHE'S AN EXPERT]

Skuld: [darkly] If she harms one transistor, she'll have to answer to ME!

> >Dammit, tell me!
>
> [MY NAME ISN'T DAMMIT]

Chris: [smacks his forehead] Oh, that one just hurt.

> >Why do Horny and Ego want to find Pluto?
>
> [SHE GUARDS THE TIME TUNNEL. IF SHE FALLS, BERYL CAN
> USE THE TUNNEL TO CHANGE HISTORY.]
>
> >That would be bad.
>
> [YEP.]

Chris/Urd/Skuld: DUH....

> >Why doesn't she want to be found, then?
>
> [SHE DOESN'T TELL ME ALL HER SECRETS, YOU KNOW]

Bell: It didn't answer the question.

Chris: True. Oh, and John? You should look at all of the computer's
dialog, you seem to have varying punctuation on the ends of sentences.

> >Can you give us a clue?

Urd: [mimes handing whomever a coupon] One Cluepon for you.

> [THERE'S A CLUE BURIED UNDER SHINONOME HIGH SCHOOL]
>
> >About Pluto? Not a copy of the game 'Clue' or some
> other cheesy trick?
>
> [YES. A CLUE ABOUT PLUTO]
>
> >Where under the high school?
>
> [UNDER THE MAIN CLASSROOM BUILDING]
>
> >How are we supposed to get to it?
>
> [I HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE]

Skuld: Yeah, he just gave you his last one!

> >You said this was a clue!
>
> [I'M NOT BURIED UNDER THE HIGH SCHOOL. THE CLUE HAS
> ITSELF]
>
> >AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

Skuld: Oniichan?

Chris: Hmm?

Skuld: Mark down a point for Pooter-chan.

> Anju woke up in a pool of her own sweat.

Urd: [sly voice] And what have YOU been doing, hmm?

> She was far
> too used to that, with her health problems, but this time
> was different. She'd had a dream, a dream of being a living
> weapon, an angel of light and darkness, with the power to
> heal or kill. And the responsibility to chose between the
> two.

Urd: [sarcastic] Oh please. And who could she be?

Bell: Urd! Just because John is being obvious, it doesn't mean you have to
be rude.

> In the dream, she had been forced to destroy an entire
> village possessed by demons. At first they came at her
> howling with rage, trying to slay her. It had been easy to
> kill them then, but then they had begun to beg, to grovel,
> to offer her powers and riches and wealth. And then had
> come the worst part of all. A child possessed by a demon
> had come at her, and just as she aimed an unstoppable blow,
> the demon had left the child, so it had been only a hapless
> child she had slain, and not a demon. She remembered crying
> tears of blood.

Chris: She's a hippo? [Urd and Skuld clobber him] ITE! What was that for?

> It was just a dream, she told herself, but ever since
> she had seen the strange woman across the street, the dreams
> had begun to come nightly, some of them wondrous dreams of
> healing, like the one where she had saved an entire nation
> from a plague, and others nightmares where she had to kill
> entire towns.
>
> She sighed and staggered of bed. Time to change the
> sheets, she thought.

Urd: [sniffles] Oh, how sad.

Chris: [carefully neutral voice] What is?

Urd: Having to go through all that effort and not one good romp to show for
it!

Ball: [scandalized] URD! Skuld's in the room!

Chris: [sighs] Gee. What a surprise.

> Soon enough, that was done, and she dreamed happier
> dreams of her friends, and family, and her old friend Yuu,
> who she had not seen in several years, but hoped one day to
> find again. He would know what to do about the dreams.

<*crack*boom*ominous thunder*>

Urd: [grins] I sense romantic trouble on the horizon!

> A lot of what they had told him sounded crazy, but at
> the same time, it felt right. He had yet to reconcile the
> contradiction. He had dreamed of walking through a forest
> and coming to a gap in the trees, looking up at the night
> sky, and seeing Saturn dominating his sight, huge in the
> sky, bigger than the Moon was in Earth's sky. Was it a
> flashback or a delusion spawned by Luna's stories?

Chris: [rolls his eyes] Go for the delusion. It's more fun.

> It was scary and exciting at the same time. If it's
> true, at least I won't have to worry as much about Miki
> getting hurt without me being able to do anything about it,
> he thought. I hated wondering if she was going to be okay.

Urd/Chris: Awwwwww...

Bell: How sweet!

Skuld: [retches]

> As he waited, Arimi came up to him, followed by
> Tsutomo. "Save me, Yuu!" she begged, running and standing
> behind him, then stuck her tongue out at Tsutomo.

Chris: [Yuu voice] Sorry, I'm a one-woman kind of mysterious bishonen hero.

> "He doesn't like you and you know it!" Tsutomo said,
> pointing at Yuu.
>
> "I never said I disliked her," Yuu replied.

Bell: [slight frown] Starting here, and in the rest of the scene, Yuu seems
very....two-dimesional.

Skuld: Dull.

Urd: Boring.

Chris: A little more motivation work, perhaps?

> Ginta came over. "Tsutomo, go home and stop bugging
> Arimi-san."
>
> She now glomped onto his arm. "Yeah! What he said."

Urd: [Arimi voice imitating Kuno voice] I would have you both!

> "Hah! You're not worthy to be her boyfriend! I
> challenge BOTH OF YOU!" he said, pointing at Yuu and Ginta.

Chris: [to Urd] He does Kuno better.

> "You're a looney," Yuu said.
>
> "To a game of...golf!"

Urd:o_O;

Bell: -_-;

Skuld: O_o;;

Chris: [pained] Golf?

> "..."

Chris: Our sentiments exactly.

> "We'd need a fourth person to be your partner, but no
> one would ever be that stupid," Ginta said.
>
> "Hah! I can find one easily! Loser shaves his
> head...or are you chicken?"
>
> "Heck no! I'll golf you to baldness any day. Yuu and
> I will crush you!"

Urd: What is it wish people in this fiction and crushing?

> "Hey, I never said..." Yuu began.

Chris: [lecturing tone] And here we see where the emotive chip started to
kick in.

> "Deal!" Tsutomo said. "In eight days, we golf to see
> who gets to look like a monk!"
>
> "But, I...hey..." Yuu spluttered.
>
> "Don't worry," Ginta said. "We'll crush him. I'm
> pretty good at golf."
>
> "It'll be an easy win," Arimi said to Yuu.
>
> Yuu thought about being bald and prayed they were
> right.

<*crack*boom*ominou-sputter*fizzle*>

Chris: Oh hell! [Gets up and heads to the control room.]

> General Zwei-lite was at his favorite country club,
> having a little round of golf with some of his favorite
> Youma. The night staff had been carefully tied up, since he
> didn't actually have a MEMBERSHIP in said club. "Yes, this
> will do nicely," he said.

Urd: Not exactly the best way to do things.

Bell: While conjuring up dates so you can spy on Keiichi-san and I is?

Urd: [defensively] YES!

> He then missed his shot; the youma laughed, then shut
> up when he turned and looked at them. Then a burst of
> spontaneous innocent whistling broke out.

Skuld: [claps slowly] Baka, don't mock the happy-fun-general.

> "I was referring to my master plan."

All: RIIIIGHT.

> "Oh, of course you were," the caddy said. "So what is
> it?"
>
> "Multi-fold. First, I suspect one of the people
> involved in the golfing grudge match is the Masked Golfer;
> observing him in action will help me prove it. Secondly,
> the laws of Drama dictate the Fifth Doom will likely
> manifest himself, disrupting the match."

Skuld: Capitalization on "laws".

Urd: Don't you start!

Skuld: [sticks her tongue out and pulls down an eyelid] Biiiiiiiiiida!

> The caddy cocked his head. "Why this match? Surely
> there's thousands of matches for him to disrupt all over
> Tokyo on any given day."

Chris: [returning to his seat] Because...

Skuld: Wait for it...

> "The Dooms seem drawn to students from Torio; there's
> always been one present when a Doom manifested itself.
> Torio is the heart of the struggle, and thus, it is this
> match which will call him forth. To those who know the laws
> of drama, predicting the future is easy."
>
> "Can nothing escape these laws?" the caddy asked
> doubtfully.
>
> "Not in this struggle. The laws of drama rule all, and
> I will use them to assure my victory!"

Skuld: See?

Urd: Not bad, shrimp.

Skuld: [about to yell at Urd, and then sighs and slumps in her seat] You're
not worth it. [fidgets, pulls out a bomb, looks at it for a moment] Oh,
why not? {Tosses it at Urd who gets blasted out of her seat.]

Urd: [surges to her feet] That's it!

[Skuld and Urd start fighting, while Chris and Belldandy carefully ignore
them.]

> Whatever they might assure him in the long run, they
> did nothing to save Zwei-lite from an embarrassing drubbing
> by his own youma, perhaps because he spent more time
> lecturing than aiming his swings.

Chris: Brave youma. [forcebolt nicks his head] HEY!

> Ginta's shot went wild, careening into the woods. He
> frowned. "I think your clubs are broken."
>
> Yuu, Miki, and Arimi stood nearby, watching the ball
> fly. They'd gone to play a round to help Ginta prepare for
> the grudge match. It was starting to look like he would
> need a LOT more preparation.

Bell: [sighs] This one was fairly obvious, John-san.

> "My clubs are not broken," Yuu said. "You don't see me
> having any trouble with them, do you?"
>
> "Wanna use mine?" Miki asked Ginta.
>
> "And this course is so big," Ginta said. "And what are
> all these funky different clubs for?"
>
> Arimi got a sudden sneaking suspicion. "And I suppose
> you're wondering where the windmill you have to shoot
> through is?"
>
> "Yeah."
>
> Yuu slapped his forehead. "Lemme guess, you've only
> played putt-putt golf?"
>
> "There's a difference?"

Chris: [raises his hand] Saw that whole scene coming?

[Belldandy raises her hand. Urd and Skuld, in the aisle, slightly singed
and very dazed, shakily raise their hands.]

> "Well, if you're this stupid, then we might still have
> a chance, since Tsutomu is even dumber than you," Yuu said.
> "He's probably so confused, he's practicing frisbee golf
> right now."

Chris: Frisbee golf?

> Tsutomo smiled confidently. I'll crush Yuu, he
> thought. He won't know what hit him! And I know Ginta
> can't golf his way out of a wet paper bag.

Chris: Well, that depends on the putt-putt courses he's played in. Some of
them might have wet paper bag holes.

Bell: Oniichan, how many wet-paper-bag holes have you actually seen?

Chris: [defensively] Well, none, but there COULD be one!

> He brought his arms back and let loose with a mighty
> swing, fit to knock the golf ball into the next prefecture.
>
> If he had hit the golf ball. A divot of earth rose
> into the air.

Urd: [sits down] Strike one!

> His second try was more accurate, sending the
> ball high into the air, arcing towards...the sand trap. He
> sighed and hiked after it.

Urd: And it's going...going...going...it's....foul.

> I guess I have let my golf game
> go to pot, he thought. This would have been tricky, since
> something can't go to pot if it never existed.

Skuld: Like Urd's s-mpngf!!!

Chris: [muzzing Skuld] Don't you start that again.

> Four holes and hours later, he was gnashing his teeth,
> ready to eat his golf clubs. "I HATE THIS GAME!" He
> shouted. "This is impossible!"

Bell: [miffed] Well, if you can't pick up anything in four hours...

> A young man his age, with short sandy-blond hair and
> deep green eyes walked up with a bag of clubs. "Practicing
> like me?"
>
> "I need to beat my cousin in a golf game, but I'm out
> of practice," Tsutomo said. "And it's driving me nuts."
>
> "Want some tips?" the youth asked. "I could see you
> need to work on your stance."
>
> "I'd be grateful. So what's wrong with my stance? Oh,
> my name is Rokutanda Tsutomo."
>
> "Nice to meet you. I'm Haru Palameru." He shook
> Tsutomo's hand, and the lessons began.

Chris: Haru Palameru? Sounds kind of like something Palmer...I guess I'm
missing this one. I know Arnold Palmer...

Urd: Hairy Palm?

Chris: [thinks about it with a frown for a second] NAAAAAH. Even John's not
that silly.

> "Yuu and Ginta are like, dead," Miki said to the other
> Tennis Warriors. "And I think shaving your head is against
> our school rules, so they might get in trouble."

Chris: [blinks] They're THAT strict?

Urd/Skuld/Bell: Hai.

Chris: Man, that must SUCK.

> "Good question," Ryouko said. "I'll check on that.
> But aren't we supposed to be trying to come up with a plan
> on how to find the next of Serenity's rings?"

Chris: [John Biles voice] NEVER! There must be MORE silly filler scenes!
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Bell: [to the screen] We'd like to apologise for that little remark.
Oniichan was working on this section at 3AM and was getting a bit irritated
at how much he had to go.

> "It would help if my piece of junk computer would give
> me a straight answer! Being told that 'A big-mouthed fool
> of a man' has the ring still leaves of half of Tokyo to
> search. Unless maybe Ginta is the one it means...agreeing
> to a match when he can't golf to save his life wasn't very
> smart." Nanami frowned.

Skuld: Maybe he's got Ranma Syndrome?

Urd: Not a bad idea. We've already seen Azusa Syndrome.

> "Are you very good at golfing?" Miki asked. "Yuu is,
> but he's not a very good teacher."
>
> "Makoto's pretty good. I'll ask him to help Ginta,"
> Nanami said. "Maybe it means a physically large mouth."

Chris: [thinks] Hmmmmm....I'm stumped.

> "Hmm. Try asking it what the ring does. Maybe that
> will give us a clue," Arimi said.
>
> "Good idea! And ask it about the Ring of Venus."
>
> Nanami nodded and started typing. "It's probably just
> going to tell us our security clearance is too low again."

Skuld: That's because Pooter-chan knows better than to let a greedy BAKA
mercenary like you have full access to information!

Bell: [admonishing] SKULD!

Skuld: [pouting] They started it!

> >state the powers of the Ring of Venus
>
> [1. +1 to Charisma]
> [2. Charm Person 3/day]
> [3. Lovesight]
> [4. Summon the Girdle of Venus]
> [5. Conjure Beautiful Clothing at Will]
> [6. Increased Horniness]
> [7. Increased Table Tennis skills]

Chris: [sarcastically] Gee. Someone's played AD&D.

> "Wow, we got a straight answer out of it!" Miki said.

Skuld: Well if you all weren't such BAKAs and..

Chris: ENOUGH, Skuld.

> >state the identity and powers of the next ring of
> serenity to appear.
>
> [THE NEXT RING TO APPEAR WILL BE THE RING OF SATURN. ]
> [POWERS:
> 1. +1 to Angst
> 2. Charm Ghost 3/day
> 3. Deathsight.
> 4. Summon the Chainsaw of Saturn.
> 5. Conjure Gothic Clothing at will
> 6. Increased Gloominess
> 7. Never miss a free throw.]

Bell: [winces] Oooh, that's not a nice ring.

Urd: Isn't Angst/Gloominess somewhat related?

> "So, we should look for someone really depressed," Miki
> said.

Chris: One of those guys from X/1999? Kamui?

> "Maybe. Ataru only manifested one of the seven
> traits...increased horniness.

Urd/Bell: [snickering] 'Increased.'

> It could be we're looking for
> a really good basketball player," Ryouko said, pointing to
> number seven.

Skuld: Could relate to a board game, too!

Chris: Nope, gotta be a sport.

> "A gothic basketball player," Manami speculated. "With
> a chainsaw." Pause. "Or not."

Chris: [blinks as if dazed] Ooh, that's a goofy image.

> Miki sat at her desk, scribbling in the diary she
> traded daily with Meiko. 'I think Yuu and Ginta are going
> to win, but I'm really scared they'll lose and have to shave
> their heads. They'd look awful that way. But I'll be
> rooting for them. Do you want to come see them play,
> Meiko?'

Urd: [Meiko voice] No, I'd rather play with them.

Chris/Bell: URD!

Urd: [innocently] What?

Skuld: [confused] I don't get it!

Chris: Good.

> She closed the diary; there wasn't too much else to say
> that she could actually tell Meiko. I have to tell her I'm
> Tennis Warrior Moon soon, she thought. Meiko deserves to
> know I'm watching out for her, and I just...she's my best
> friend. I'll just have to plan for when Luna isn't
> watching.

Bell: I don't think Meiko would find that information comforting.

Urd: [nods] Yeah. If I was Naru and found out that Usagi was the one
protecting me, I'd move...to Australia.

> Going over and sitting on her bed, she petted Luna, who
> was snoozing. Luna started awake, "That you, Artemis?"

Urd: [slyly] Do I detect a slight wistful tone there?

> "It's just me," she said.
>
> "Done writing to Meiko."

Chris: Should be a question mark at the end.

> "I have to tell her my secret, or I'm going to
> explode," Miki said.

Skuld: [pictures exploded Miki] EEEEW!

> Luna frowned. "Loose lips sink ships."

Chris: And a watched pot never boils!

Urd: Where the hell did that come from?

Bell: URD! Language!

Chris: [shrugs] I hate that saying.

> "She's my best friend!"
>
> "Do you want her to think of you as Miki or Tennis
> Warrior Moon?"

Bell: [blinks] That's a rather good point.

Chris: I don't think anyone's put it quite that way before.

> That stopped Miki in her tracks. "You really
> think...she'd stop seeing me as me?"
>
> "She might even get jealous."

Skuld: Would you blame her?!

> "But she's caught in the middle of this! You know how
> many monsters have come after her."
>
> Luna sighed. "I feel sorry for her. She must feel so
> trapped and hunted at times."

Bell: [frowning] Yet you don't want to comfort her.

Urd: Agreed, Bell, she's a hypocrite.

> "I bet Tennis Mask is Miwa-san. He's got a crush on
> Meiko, and Tennis Mask usually shows up to save her when she
> needs saving."
>
> Luna nodded. "I think I'll try keeping an eye on him
> to see if he transforms."
>
> "I wish I knew why she doesn't like him. He's a really
> cool guy."

Urd: Laws of Drama acting in conjunction with Laws of Anime Romance?

> Luna shrugged. "Some people don't know what's good for
> them, I guess. Or maybe she knows something about him we
> don't."
>
> "Maybe she thinks he just wants sex or something."

Urd: Well he IS male...

Chris: HEY! I resent that remark!

Urd: You resemble that remark.

Skuld: [brandishes yet another bomb] Stop picking on Oniichan!

> "Maybe he does," Luna said. "I know very little about
> him."
>
> "I think he'd give up by now if he was like that. He's
> so stubborn, it has to be true love."

Chris: [raises his hand] Umm....I'd like to point out that it could be
obsession. Or mental sickness.

Skuld: Oniichan! That's nasty!

Bell: It's also out of line with a Sailor Moon-type situation.

> "That would mean Arimi should have Yuu and Tsutomo have
> Arimi, though," Luna pointed out.

Urd: And Arimi should have Ginta too.

> Miki frowned. "Don't be so logical."
>
> Luna laughed. "When you're my age, you have to learn
> to think about such things."
>
> "So how old are you?"
>
> "Only about forty years, since I slept through most of
> the period between the Moon Kingdom and now. I spent two
> years looking for you."

Urd: O_O; I can't believe she answered that.

> For a moment, Miki wondered how Luna could have been
> looking for her for two years, when she found Miki so
> quickly after Miki made her wish...Luna wouldn't have been
> looking for Miki before Miki had made the wish that turned
> her into Tennis Warrior Moon. But then...if I wasn't Tennis
> Warrior Moon in the past, how did all the history of the
> Moon Kingdom happen? Miki frowned, suddenly feeling an
> onslaught of metaphysics.
>
> Could my wish have changed history...no, surely not,
> she thought. But then...how did I...it made her head hurt,
> and she resolved to worry about it later when someone who
> knew more about that sort of thing was handy.

Chris: [blandly] As John once again reminds us that this entire thing was
brought about by Miki's wish, which messed up the normal Sailor Moon
timeline.

Bell: It was rather obvious, wasn't it?

> Teachers aren't supposed to have affairs with their
> students. Especially not in public places. Thus, the fact
> that Namura-sensei and Meiko were smooching on the
> observation balcony of Tokyo Tower was a double no-no.

Skuld: Oh yuck. Mushy stuff.

Urd: Oooooh! A little classic Sailor Moon romance.

> Meiko at least had the excuse of being young and
> inexperienced. To her, this was one of the most romantic
> moments of her live. She was wearing the brooch that Na-
> chan had given her, and he was wearing the pin she had given
> him.

Bell: How sweet!

Chris: Hmm. I don't know how I should feel about this. Part of me wants to
find it morally objectionable, part of me says that it's no worse than the
Mamoru/Usagi romance.

> The sun was setting, and Tokyo was awash in a rosy
> glow. "We won't be able to do this much longer," Na-chan
> said softly to Meiko. "Though I wish we could."
>
> Her eyes widened, and icy fear clutched at her heart.
> "You...You're not going to...I mean..."

Urd: [singing] o/~ Kiss him goodbye... o/~

Bell: Urd! Stop that!

> "I don't mean I'm going to dump you," he said, and felt
> her relax. "It's just that this life of teacher and
> student...all these lives..." He waved his hands out across
> the skyline, embracing the city in his comments. "This age
> is ending. Soon, I will likely have to throw off this mask,
> and abandon any pretence of a normal life, whether I win or
> lose." He paused, suddenly realizing he'd said more than he
> had intended to, yet. She tugs me so hard, I don't know
> which way I'm going when I'm near you, he thought.

Chris: [sarcastic] Gee, he's smooth. Might as well just tell her.

> "Because you're Tennis Mask," she said faintly. "And
> the war is going to get worse?"
>
> He half jumped out of his flesh. How much did she
> know, he wondered. "You...knew?"

Urd: [rings a gong] Right on the first try!

> "You're not very good at being sneaky, Na-chan. And
> the way he always shows up to save me...who else could he
> be?" Hesitantly, she reached up and stroked his cheek. "I'm
> not mad you didn't tell me. It's hard to keep a secret. So
> you think...that soon you won't have time for a normal
> life?"

Chris: [Namura voice] Yes, because I'm going to go on a Pro tour!

> He nodded. Best to move cautiously, he thought.
> That's enough revelations for one night. "It's possible.
> Things are heating up. If things go the way Zwei-lite wants
> them to, Beryl will triumph, and I don't know if I'll be
> able to protect you from that. I think that soon...I
> might...have to take you away somewhere safe. If you don't
> mind."

Urd: Oooh...a little private getaway perhaps? For a little bump-n-mjhff!
[Muffled by Chris]

Skuld: Huh?

Chris/Bell: URD!

Chris: Would you TRY to remember there's a 12-year old here?

Skuld: What are you talking about?

> "You can take me right now...

Urd: [opens her mouth to speak, but gets clobbered by Belldandy with Skuld's
hammer]

Bell: That is ENOUGH, Urd.

Chris: [to the crumpled Urd] Uhh..I think she's mad.

> My house hasn't been a
> real home in years," she said, sighing. "I'm ready to go."
> Her heart sang to her at the prospect of living with her
> love.

Chris: URD, DON'T SAY IT!

Urd: [Pouting] You people are no fun!

> "Not yet. But I'll tell you when the time comes."
>
> "I'll be ready," she said, stepping up and kissing his
> cheek.

[Chris and Bell glare at Urd, who shrinks back]

Urd: What?! I wasn't going to say anything.

Skuld: What ARE you all talking about?

> "Do it like this," Makoto said, miming a shot for
> Ginta, who nodded, and did as he was told. The shot flew
> high, a little too high, overshooting the green by fifty
> yards, but it had gone the right way, and that was a vast
> improvement.
>
> Nanami turned to Arimi; they were watching the two men.
> "See, I told you."
>
> "It's a lot better than when he and Yuu started having
> a duel with their golf clubs." She sighed.

Skuld: Of course he is! Makoto-sama's great at EVERYTHING because he's so
COOL!

Chris: [blinks] You like Makoto?

Bell: No, she likes Ifurita-san.

Chris: [understanding dawns] Ah.

Skuld: She's such a KAWAII mecha!

Chris: I don't think she'd appreciate being called that.

> "I'd have won if he hadn't cheated!" Ginta shouted
> back at them.
>
> Arimi laughed. "You dropping your club was cheating?"
>
> "Hrmph."

Urd: Ego, meet Deflator.

> It was two AM. Haru said to Tsutomo, "Maybe we should
> get some sleep."
>
> "No! I HAVE TO CRUSH THEM BOTH! AND I'LL PRACTICE
> UNTIL I DROP DEAD ON THE FIELD TO DO IT! HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!"
> Tsutomo cackled, then unleashed a mighty blow at the golf
> ball, which shattered.
>
> I think I may have overdone it a bit, Haru thought.

Skuld: I thought the next Doom was supposed to be Gloomy, not Obsessed.

Urd: Or Insane.

Chris: This, of course, assumes he's the Doom.

> The sun shone brightly, and nary a cloud covered the
> sky on the day of the golf duel. A small crowd of friends,
> enemies, and bored people had gathered to watch the

Urd: VERY bored people.

Chris: [Shudders] Worse than a baseball game. At least when wathcing one of
those I can read.

> competition, a full eighteen hole set of golf. Miki had
> brought a cooler of drinks, and she and her friends
> clustered together near the first hole as the four men went
> through various pre-golf rituals like licking their fingers
> and testing the wind.

Bell: [mildly surprised] Licking their fingers?

Chris: It's supposed to give you better grip on the club, I think. Although
with this group, I'd say they should be engaging in one particular ritual.

Urd: Praying for divine intervention?

Chris: EX-ACTLY.

> They then drew straws to see who would go first;
> Tsutomo won. He cackled maniacally, then pointed his club
> at Arimi. "This is for you!"

Urd: [Arimi voice] Oooh, thank you! I always wanted a club!

> "You can keep it!" she shouted back.
>
> Ginta yawned. "Get on with it."
>
> He choked on the yawn when Tsutomo fired off a hole in
> one.

<*crack*boom*rather annoying buzzing sound*>

Urd: Uhh, 'Niichan?

Chris: [sighs] I know, I know...damnit, I thought I fixed it. [Gets up and
goes to the control room.]

> Yuu's eyes widened for just a moment. We are so dead,
> he thought.

Skuld: [sinister glee] YUP!

> Arimi's jaw dropped. "That's impossible! He's never
> been that good."

Urd: Foolish girl! You underestimate the Laws of Drama!

Bell: It could just be a fluke....

> Meiko put a hand on Miki's shoulder. "Maybe Yuu will
> look good with his head shaved."

Urd: Some men look good without hair. [speculative look] Hmmm....

Chris: [from control booth] Urd, I am NOT shaving my head!

> By the sixth hole, Yuu and Ginta were eight above par
> (if one added the par ratings for the first five), while

Skuld: Duh....

Bell: It WAS fairly clear to anyone who knowws anything about Golf,
John-san.

> Haru and Tsutomo were three below. While they still had
> time to catch up, things were not looking good.

Urd: Remember to put sunscreen on your head so you don't get burned, boys!

> Tsutomo stepped up, put his ball on his tee, and got
> ready to take his shot. Arimi glanced at him, over at Yuu
> and Ginta, then over at Miki questioningly. Miki blinked,
> wondering what Arimi was trying to hint at. Then Arimi ran
> onto the course and embraced Ginta. "Good luck!"

Urd: OOOh, dirty. I LIKE this girl.

Skuld: You would.

> Tsutomo stared at them, and nearly bent his club in
> half. He tried to ignore her and take his shot, but she
> then leaned up and kissed Ginta and his shot went wild, at
> nearly ninety degrees to what he intended, almost smacking
> Ryouko in the head. "Dammit! That's cheating!"
>
> "Rules of golf don't say anything about someone else
> getting kissed," Yuu said, shrugging.

Bell: [blinks] Yuu takes everything remarkably well.

Urd: He's been going to the English Butler school of behavior?

> Tsutomo continued to fume for the next three holes,
> playing rather badly, which gave Yuu and Ginta some room to
> catch up. Arimi went back to Miki and whispered, "It's so
> easy to push Tsutomo's buttons, it's almost criminal."
>
> "That wasn't a very nice thing to do," Miki replied,
> feeling just a twinge of jealousy, even though she knew
> Ginta was Arimi's boyfriend, and they could do whatever they
> wanted.

Urd: [archily] ANYTHING?

Bell: URD! This is not that kind of story!

Skuld: And it's a good thing, too!

> "You want them to shave their heads?"
>
> "Well, no, but..."
>
> "Neither do I."

<*crack*tinkle*ominous thunder*>

[Urd, Skuld, and Bell look startled]

Bell: [frowns] I don't see anything that called for that...tinkle?

Chris: [from the control booth] Did that come out OK?

Skuld: [calling back] No, Oniichan, it didn't!

Chris: DAMNIT!

> Zwei-lite sat up in a tree, watching the game through
> binoculars. Should I intervene, he asked himself, or should
> I wait for the end of the game to try and induce the
> transformation? Given the way that girl is tormenting him,
> I may not have to do anything further. I think he was
> taught a little too well, though...he's supposed to lose so
> he'll get mad enough.

<*crack*sputter*boom*ominous chuckle>

Urd: [calling] It's even worse!

Skuld: [gets up] Let me help! [runs to the control booth]

> He reached out with his mind, and tried to intuit how
> the currents of drama were flowing. Was it the right

Bell: Now Drama is like a current? How very odd.

Urd: The metaphysics in this fic are giving me a headache.

> moment? No, not yet. Something had to happen to push
> Tsutomo over the edge, and it would be best if he was not
> seen to be involved. That way, he would retain his freedom
> to come down on whichever side would be most fruitful. Yes,
> that was best.

<*CRACK*BOOM*SILLY JUNGLE*>

Chris: [from booth] THE AMP IS TOO HIGH!

Skuld: [from booth] DON'T YELL AT ME!

Chris: I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

Skuld: [embarrased tone] Oh. Sorry.

Chris: WHAT?

> Miki had to admit she was impressed by Arimi's skills
> at distracting Tsutomo. At one point, she'd even thought
> Arimi was going to flash Tsutomo, but either she changed her
> mind, or Miki simply hadn't been looking when she did.
> Tsutomo was playing more and more wildly, and becoming more
> and more frantic and angry.

Urd: [sarcastic] Gee, I wonder why? Every step of this bloody game she's
been making it VERY clear she wants him to lose.

Bell: He doesn't want to see what he doesn't like. [shudders] Much like
Aoshima.

> He did, however, nearly save himself with a hole in one
> on the last hole. His partner, however, in a string of bad
> luck, took fifteen strokes to make the final shot. In fact,
> it made Miki wonder if Haru really wanted to win...Ginta had
> done it in five, and she was sure she could have done it in
> less than fifteen, even with little skill at golf.

Urd: If he can make 15 shots look like bad luck, he a hell of an actor.

> Yuu toted up the score. "We win by four strokes." He
> gave a great sigh of relief.

Bell: [considers it] I don't think he'd look THAT bad with a shaved head.

> Ginta laughed and stuck out his tongue at Tsutomo.
> "You'll look great with a shaved head! You can go cruising
> the monasteries for women."
>
> Miki said, "Don't rub it in, Ginta. That's mean!"
>
> "Yeah. He already knows he's a loser," Yuu said.

Urd: OOh, the quiet man speaks!

> That was the final straw. "Loser? LOSER? I'LL SHOW
> YOU LOSER!" Tsutomo shouted, turning purpler than his hair.

Urd: He reminds me of a grape!

> Miki's arm hairs suddenly stood on end, and she could
> hear Nanami mutter, "Trouble."

<*crack*boom*ominous thunder*>

Chris/Skuld: [from booth] YATTA!

Urd: About damned time.

> Tsutomo whipped a five iron out of his bag and took a
> swipe at Ginta's head. The club burst into flames as he
> swung it, and Ginta only barely avoided getting hit, falling
> back over his own bag. There was nothing to save
> him....nothing but Yuu, who parried the next blow with one
> of his own clubs. "What are you DOING?" Yuu said. "It's
> just a game!"

Chris: [coming back to his seat while miming a duel] Parry! Parry! Riposte!
Thrust!

[Skuld skips to her seat]

> "You tricked me! This was all a trap! NOW YOU WILL
> ALL PAY!" Another blow cut Yuu's seven iron in half, but it
> was enough time for Ginta to scramble out of the way.
> Tsutomo charged after them, shouting incoherently, growing
> larger with every step. He had become Fire Iron, the Fifth
> Doom, sprouting a corona of flames and huge wings of fiery
> feathers.

Bell: This really doesn't seem to have anything to do with the ring.

Urd: Yeah, what happened to the angst and gloominess.

Chris: [mild interest] Oooh, violence.

Skuld: What'd I miss?

> The crowd of onlookers began to panic. Ryouko took
> charge. "I'm a teacher! This way, back to the club house!"
> She and Makoto herded them along.

Skuld: And everyone followed Makoto-sama because he's so COOL!

> Miki tried to stay with Arimi and Nanami, but Meiko
> took her by the arm and started dragging her along. "You
> can't help Yuu! We've got to call the police or something.
> Although I guess the Tennis Warriors will probably show up
> soon."

Bell: Ano...doesn't this happen to magical girls on a regular basis?

Chris: Yep. Pretty cliche.

> Protesting inarticulately, Miki was swept away.

Urd: That too.

<SNIP>

Skuld: O_O What was that?!

Chris: *shrug* Dropped the rest of this fic.

Urd: Translation: This fic is too damn long and we're all getting tired of
it.

Bell: [blushes] Well it's not THAT bad...

Chris: To read, not really. To MST, [shouts] YES! [more conversational
tone] And now, another announcement:

ANNOUNCEMENT:
My apologies for not taking the MST to the very end, John, but frankly,
after spending a week working on it on and off, I'm truly tired of it. This
would be my final piece of C&C: Try breaking up your chapters more. In
terms of a TV show, this thing contained as much as two to three episodes.
A little much for a Magical Girl Show.

Chris: That all being said, it WAS a fun read, and a good thing to MST.

Bell: Very entertaining.

Skuld: [pouts] I wanna see more Pooter-chan!

Urd: How about 'Niichan buys you a Palm Pilot?

Chris: What am I, made of money?

Skuld: Those cruddy things? I'd at least want one of those Casio color
ones.

Chris: Who said I'd buy anything?

Urd: But you promised..

Chris: [yelling] I did no such thing!

[screen goes dark]